I kept on asking for a sign, but then I realized that there’s nothing to hope for. I shouldn’t bother anyway.
I had a dream. I just posted a part of the last memo I wrote in my phone on Tumblr. Then I had 1024 notes on it. Then I tried to read all of the responses and I saw some unexpected advices from people around me. Then I looked for your response but I was not able to read it because the professors came for further announcements of the practicum.
One of the professors gave me a small notebook where all the expenses made by the students and other matters were written. She told me to keep it. It’s confidential. I feel so honored to have her trust. Then we all came out for a run. When we returned, I checked my bag and found out that the notebook was stolen. I was crying. You wanted to comfort me but you didn’t come close because you saw that a lot of people were there surrounded me. When you found a space, you comforted me. That’s the best part.
Then, I knew that my groupmate had a secret agenda that she had to steal that notebook from me but she suddenly told the truth. Then I just returned the notebook to our professor. I didn’t want the responsibility. I felt like I was too careless.
To make me feel better, my mom bought me Ben & Jerry’s ice cream in the nearest grocery. I had a dilemma if I shall choose cherry or mango.
Then I woke up. My eyes hurt. It felt like I cried all night. This dream is so vivid.
I want to drown myself on my pillow for so many things. One reason is for not saying “hi” to you, my perfect stranger. Is this what people call sepanx? I woke up sad with a tear.
PS. My song for you is about to finish.
Magic! You called me via Skype. I used my phone to answer and I said, “hello.” I received no response, then you started playing a song by the band I’m currently listening to. After playing a song, you dropped the call. Then my mom told me that there’s someone outside our house singing. Then I saw it was you. She was smiling, I was surprised.
You always leave me hanging. Please give me a sign.
The Fault in Our Stars - John Green
Flipped - Wendelin van Draanen
Eleanor and Park - Rainbow Rowell
Looking for Alaska - John Green
Meant to Be - Lauren Morill
Perks of Being a Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky
Shatter Me - Tahereh Mafi
Unravel Me - Tahereh Mafi
Destroy Me - Tahereh Mafi
Fracture Me - Tahereh Mafi
Ignite Me - Tahereh Mafi
Fifty Shades of Grey - Erika James
Fifty Shades Darker - Erika James
Fifty Shades Freed - Erika James
Unearthly - Cynthia Hand
Hallowed - Cynthia Hand
Radiant - Cynthia Hand
Boundless - Cynthia Hand
Spectacular Now - Tim Tharp
Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell
Attachments - Rainbow Rowell This Song Will Save Your Life - Leila Sales
A Mango-Shaped Space - Wendy Mass
Paper Towns - John Green